FaceCrack

So my little "FaceCrack" crack may be more true than I intended... How Facebook is Altering your Mind


"The researchers found that one in three people felt worse after visiting the site and more dissatisfied with their lives, while people who browsed without contributing were affected the most."

"Facebook at its very core is not designed to facilitate deep brain/mind development – it keeps you hopping like a crack addict hunting for the next fix, over and over, hundreds of times a minute."

Why I Quit Facebook

Deep down I think Facebook is sort of dumb.

A few weeks ago I make the choice to deactivate my Facebook account.
I know!
Huge deal!

See, I really loath Facebook.
I always have.
I live/ed by the motto... In Real Life.
But it sucked me in!
I went in deep some time during the middle of our adoption process... because it was a "tool."

I know. I helps connect people.
I tried to convince myself of that too.
It did help me a whole lot while we were bringing our kids home.
I don't think I could have done the literal adoption with out Facebook.

But, then again, I am realizing more and more that my life and Facebook do not exist well together.


Here is why I think Facebook is dumb...

Reason #1
Have you ever had that awkward thing happen when you know something about someone because of Facebook. Then you see them in person and they start telling you about what you already know, and you listen to it (again) and then you are like, "Yeah... That is so great... I saw that on facebook..." Awkward moments arise as you both sort of stare at each other thinking things like, "I wonder what else she knows about me that I don't remember..." or "I hope they don't think I spend too much time on Facebook because I remembered that..."
Facebook is a kill-joy. That is dumb... it is always better to hear good or bad things from people in person.

Reason #2
Really the biggest reason I think facebook is dumb is because it is a distraction from more important things. Sure, anything can be. And this is why I didn't deactivate sooner... because I kept saying to myself, "Girl, you just need to be more self-controlled." A facebook friend (how ironic is that) once said that it should be called FaceCrack. I just got to the place where I realized that I have way too much on my plate to include something as dumb and distracting as Facebook in my life. I have children for that.

Reason #3
Most of my best friends either aren't on facebook or I never interact with them via it... so, why spend time with people (via FB) that I never invest time in outside of it... sad, but true. Love you FB friends! Seek me out in person! Lets take our relationship a baby step deeper... via email?

Reason #4
I hate that blue color. It is about the ugliest color of blue on this earth... They should have picked teal or dark plum. You are agreeing with me right now... it is a huge part of what makes Facebook dumb.

Reason #5
I got to thinking... "What if Addie was 13 and spent as much time on FB as I do now..." It was enough to make me want to gag and throw my computer out the front door.

Reason #6
I get sick of how FB makes me feel. I would fluctuate between feeling "bored" with out it, feeling shame/guilt for spending time on it, or feeling panicked about the things/articles I read that my "friends" posted on it. Now my parents just tell me... I went weeks with out knowing Obama has stripped away our personal freedoms. Ignorance is bliss... just joking.  Additionally, I've always been sort of skeptical that FB isn't just a simplified forum for people to promote the image of themselves they want others to see... instead of their real selves. All the people I like best in the world are pretty much shamelessly real and honest people.

While I still believe social network is "In Real Life"... I think I would like to look in someones face and hear their voice a bit more during this season of my life.

Plus, Addie is 8.
I have about 8 more years if I am lucky until she (may potentially) get a cell phone...
I want to savor this season, this one is about not be distracted.

Honestly... I haven't missed it.

Why do you think FB is dumb?

She Can Laugh?

Long ago I started this blog with the theme from Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

Those three words resonated with me... both who I am and who I desire to be... She can laugh. 
Not, "She will laugh"
Or, "She must laugh"
But, "She CAN..."

Today I cried.
I do that, as well as laughing, often.
It is hard.
Camp.
Life.
Marriage.
Family.
Health.

It is nice to know that I CAN laugh. Not because I have to, but because God has clothed me with strength and dignity that are His own. I can because my strength and dignity don't rest on my circumstances. I possess nothing but rags, filthy and worn. He, however, has clothed me with what I need to be able to laugh at the days I am currently in and those to come.

Last night I watched a riveting documentary on netflix called "Mugabe and the White African" (Wow, a must watch!) Basically it is about a family of white African's who have lived in an African nation who has a dictator who is trying to "rid" the nation of all "white's" and to take the land they have owned for generations... and give it to "the people" but in a very nepotistic way. I kept thinking, "How is this family not utterly shaken? How are they not falling apart at the seams?" What struck me was the young wife... while she certainly wasn't laughing at the blatant racial persecution and near genocidal type of struggles they are dealing with. She was, however strong and dignified. Her face was serious, but she had a boldness and resolution that was etched in her weathered face. She was broken... but not blowing the the winds of turmoil that were around her. She was confident...

Sigh.
Can She Laugh?

Thoughts on a hard day.

Hump Day

Once a year, the first week of camp I have a genuine (epic) "Hump Day."
Things are just hard.
People are just tired.
We are just getting back in the swing of doing this thing called "Family at Camp".


I didn't sleep at all last night because I am worried about a family member.
We all got up as the chickens-were-still-warm-on-their-perch early to go to Devo... which was 100% worth it because it was so what I needed to hear!
My husband made me the best "bullet-proof" coffee, which is the only coffee I can drink with out suffering the wrath of caffeine... but then I left it on our Yukon and my brand new (beautiful) travel container got crushed to smithereens as Tim drove off.
Thea wet her diaper so much this morning it puddled up on the floor under her (she is ready to be potty trained and is "staying dry"... then gushing it).
Baby sitter called and asked is she "had" to change Thea's stinky diaper... "Um... not unless you want to keep smelling it." (Totally didn't say that, but thought it.)


Sometimes it is the little things that make a difference.

Some sweet staff brought my Lyme's Disease riddled husband a plate full of bacon and some lemonade.
A church friend came by to ask me how I was... in a truly genuine way.
Cora woke up this morning saying, "Mom, I'll be a better girl today." Seriously.
Campers who say during crafts, "Do I get to take this craft home?"
I stashed this little goody aside for such a time as this... Reed's Ginger Ale... it is Uganda in a bottle.

First Day!

For 8 years the 1st day of camp has come and gone.
8 years, 8 years ago seemed very substantial when applied to others above me.
Today it seems very small when applied to me and Tim.
Technically we've had 11 first days of "camp", 3 were at Confrontation Point.

The first days is good.
It is anticipation.
It is nerves.
It is raw and filled with glitter that makes you unsure if you are really living this life.
After 8 years it is less nerves and more glitter. Less raw and more blurred at the edges.

But it is good because you realize this whole summer has nothing to do with you and all to do with Him.
It is good because you know that when it all comes down to it you have really nothing to offer but what you have in Jesus.

You are surrendered.

Last night my friend shared what it takes to be a good counselor.

He said, "God gives you 5 children. Know that this was not a mistake... they are placed in your care for  this time and this place by God's sovereign plan to bring Himself glory. If you laugh, they will laugh... in all circumstances. If you cry, they will cry... in all circumstances. If you worship, they will worship... in all circumstances."

This was said to the counselors, but God intended it for me!

God has a purpose and plan for this summer... it is my hope to participate in that plan.

Thinking on Adoption Ethics

Things are all in an uproar over the "E" word... ethics.
There has been some good and hard things being said "out there" recently... (and I am not even on Facebook any more!)

I have, by in large, really enjoyed hearing many people's stances and thoughts on this very heated subject. But, sometimes it is really wrankling... on both sides of the ring!

I am going to be totally honest here. I don't like to be a fence sitter, but in this topic, I am. Mainly because I can't find a spot on either side that really fits my personal observations, experiences and thoughts. I feel like both extremes are too polarizing and they both make me uncomfortable and feel troubled over one thing or another. Both sides make me uncomfortable... there I said it!

When I wrote my story about Ezra it wasn't to shame people for adopting a child with known family... and yes, I did get several emails and messages that stated something to that effect. Sadly. I think some missed the point.

I wrote it because in Ezra's case his FAMILY needed advocacy... not adoption... to solve the issues they were dealing with. My point was that we need to deal rightly/justly with all children we are referred or come in contact with and to ensure that International Adoption remains the last resort for children in poverty. Why make it an unnecessary first action, (like it would have been for Ezra)? Too often that's what's being done in International Adoption. Wonderful things like sponsorship/family preservation and even domestic adoption should be sought out... not because IA is "bad" but because it is clearly in the child's best interest to explore those other options first! International adoption should not be considered bad, evil or inherently unethical. Nor should IA be considered the best choice, the first alternative and based upon adoptive families wants or desires.

“Adoption is acceptable when appropriate for the child,

not when it is the desire of the adoptive family.”

- Bert Ballard

But, here is what I am seeing... there are often two stances... somewhat polar in their views that keep coming to fight it out in the ring of adoption/ethical issues.  I am personally drawn to both sides of the argument and recently I was wondering why that was true. I questioned... "Could both be right... at least in part?" It was then I realized that the loudest people are often those most entrenched in their stance and that both stances at times (in their most extreme positions) seem to forget one main thing.

The child.

Extreme stances naturally tend to leave out the most important part. Both enter the ring caring about the child and then seem to lose sight of the real reason they entered it and tend to focus on lesser things. That is sad.

Lets not forget that ethics need to be ethics centered on the child... their right to a family... and not to languish in an institutionalized setting.

Lets not forget that adoption needs to be adoption centered on the child... one that upholds and supports their bio family at high costs, seeks to place them with a domestic family first and leaves International Adoption as a last resort.

When we both do that little thing where do we end up?
Sort of in the middle... together.

When we fail to take the needs of the ONE into account we both fail, it doesn't matter what side of the ring we are on.

This whole topic (and participation in it) is really really difficult with an extremely steep learning curve... grace needs to be extended to all involved! When we make our position about not being "against" something but "for" something it helps others be more open minded about our stance. It is like pointing to the solution instead of pointing at a person and blaming. People are more able to hear you because it assumes the best others!

As I was thinking about ethics recently I took some of my more raw thoughts to my husband who helps me make sense of all the non-sense. One thing he said stuck with me, he said...

"Marce, remember way back when, when we first wanted to adopt? What was the main things you and I both thought about the most? It was, children belong in families. I don't think adoption solves that problem for all kids, because they may already have a family, but for some it clearly is a very good solution! I don't think I have ever been an 'adoption advocate'... I just believe in families."

Heck yeah! I am married to that man! He is so spot on it makes me want to punch the air.

I end with this... My stance.

I believe in families!

Will you join me?

A double orphan... living in a "slum"... being raised by biological family!

Adoption not needed.

So stinking GOOD!

On School... Are We Done?

I am being asked a lot by my (many) public school mom friends, "So, are you done? Have you finished school too?"

YES!
We are officially done with our school year and it feels heavenly!

BUT. I seriously believe in "Summer Learning Loss"... and I want to avoid losing what I personally worked so hard for my kids to gain. Like many PSers my kids are still learning this summer.

On Tues/Thurs Addie is doing a lesson of math (self lead) ... this is why I love Math-U-See.
On Tues/Wed/Thurs Addie is doing a phonic lesson with me and daily doing some silent reading time.
We also have a summer reading list that is going to ROCK!

Here is our Summer {School} Schedule... and basically my family organization schedule for our crayzeee summer!

And... best of all, it is "Art Season" and we are doing weekly lessons on drawing using Drawing With Children. It is a very effective and fun method! Can't wait to post some of our art in coming weeks!

Additionally, I got to thinking that we might reassign grade levels for some of our kids prior to next year.
I know. That sounds like a big deal... but really it isn't.

Basically, I got concerned that if our kids are starting Kindergarten at age 5 (and some of them being very young 5 year olds) that they'd be leaving our (high) school and entering college at the young age of 17. Basically, I don't want that for them. So... this fall everyone is staying put in the grade that they were currently in last year ... while moving up in content and ability. Really, most of them are at grade level or above in most areas of study, but I am debating this for Addie since physically she is tall... just not sure.

I struggle with wanting things to be uniform... orderly... concrete... but this isn't homeschool.
I am picking what is best in the long run over what makes sense today.

Plus, I'd much rather tell a 6 year old that they are staying back in a grade than to have to tell a 16 year old that. My future self is giving me props for saving some sanity with an over emotional teenager later!

So that is school and the glorious end of it for a few months!